Surviving “The Stink Eye”

The English language is one of the most complex and difficult languages to learn, due to all the slang and local phrases.  Depending on where you are geographically, words take on different meanings.  Take the word ‘wicked,’ which literally means “morally bad in principle or practice.” In New England when we use the word ‘wicked, it means, “very.”  For example: “That band was wicked cool!”

One phrase that always reminds me of New Bedford is, “The Stink Eye.”  I learned it from my older brother, who likely learned it from The Most Interesting Man in the World.  If you’ve lived in New Bedford for a decent amount of time, you have likely experienced The Stink Eye.  Whether you have or not is irrelevant, because chances are it will happen at some point.  So pay attention, because the following information may save your life.

Let’s say you are walking around downtown New Bedford late on a Friday night.  You’ve had a few drinks, and you’re heading home after a great time out with friends, when a car full of men approach blasting “Beat It,” by Michael Jackson.  As the car approaches two of the men in the car give you a stare.  This is not a friendly gesture.  In fact, it’s a somewhat hostile move against you.  You don’t realize it immediately, but you have been given The Stink Eye.

So how do you respond?  There are three ways to handle The Stink Eye: The first two may end with you on the receiving end of a beating, but the second one should keep you safe.

First, you could be brave and give a Full Stink Eye back.  This is not recommended unless you are Mike Tyson.  You especially don’t want to do this if you are alone.  Giving a car full of men a full Stink Eye will almost certainly end badly for you.  They will take offense, pull over, and beat you up.

Your second option is to completely avoid  returning the Stink Eye by quickly averting your eyes and looking down at the side walk.  This screams, “I’m a wimp, come beat the crap out of me.”  Have you ever seen a tiger hunting antelope on a nature program?  The tiger doesn’t go after the most physical fit animal in the pack; it goes after the old, the weak, or the injured.  Predators can smell fear. Your inability to return The Stink Eye will make you will look like a wounded animal. This will end the same as scenario #1: The men will pull over and throw a beating on you.

The third option, and possibly your only way out of this situation, is to make a stand and give a partial Stink Eye. This says, “Hey, I may be alone, but I have a spine!” A partial Stink Eye lasts no more than one second.  You must remove all doubt and fear from your eyes, and perform this maneuver with confidence.  Lock onto the weakest of the passengers, hold and release The Stink Eye after one second, and then look forward.  Believe in yourself, keep walking, and you should be safe.

The key component of any Stink Eye situation is to be mindful of the duration of the return Stink Eye; too long and you’re asking for trouble, but you can get in just as much trouble for not returning it at all.  Treat the one-second, partial Stink Eye in the same way you do when a pretty girl walks by while you’re with your girlfriend; it’s alright to stare for a second, but any longer than that could get you in trouble.

Other Stink Eye Tips:

• There is safety in numbers; the bigger the pack you are traveling with, the more you can Stink Eye.
• Even in a large pack, avoid Stink Eye’n people with “Cauliflower ears”.
• To develop a good Stink Eye, watch Clint Eastwood Movies.