OPINION: finding meaning in the ending of relationships and moving past it in a healthy way

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Maturity in a relationship has nothing to do with age. The truth is when you enter into a relationship you have to realize that in time you will have to take responsibility over your partner’s heart. Love is a beautiful thing and the concept seems so easy. I love you and you love me. That’s it, right?

Love sometimes is confused with a euphoric feeling of everything being alright in the world. All reasoning is put aside as we chase the high that it gives us. While seemingly oblivious to pitfalls or red flags put right in front of our faces. But what can come between lovers? What could dare rip apart the magical thing that is “love.”

An important thing to remember is that we are all flawed. It is in a dishonest way if we present ourselves otherwise to someone we’re trying to win over. It’s foolish to look at your partner and see them as flawless. In my opinion, love is found in the flaws. It sounds wonderful to say “I love her so much, she is flawless” or “he is perfect.” That person can be perfect to you, but they’re human. If you cant see and accept their flaws now, then at some point you will and it can crush the relationship you’ve built together in the clouds of euphoric harmony.

Years means something. Or does it? Who hasn’t expressed that their relationship is superior to another because of the time they’ve been together? We have to admit that a lengthy relationship does mean something, but should it mean that it is greater and stronger than another that hasn’t been around for as much time? Of course not.

To assume years equals a happy union would be to assume that one person’s happiness is the same as another. There are relationships of convenience or those who settle into the familiar without expectations of better. Some make an effort to stay together “for the kids” or because of the fear of being single. Painful decisions that hurt their own hearts as time passes and as time is lost. Time is precious and it’s important to know that time put into another individual who you love is time well spent.

If you’ve been together for a year and that was a year of loving moments, memories made and each of your hearts cherished by the other, you may have it over those who have had more time together with the mere label of being in a relationship.

“Love is always full time, never part time, and certainly not just on your time.”

But love is found also in the dark moments that were overcome together – in how they were handled. If true forgiveness is possible. How can you know how strong your relationship is if it’s never been tested? Does that mean go out and bait your companion to make them jealous? Of course not. But situations can and will happen when you’ve been with someone long enough that will test your faith in each other.

Two people don’t always handle things the same way. One person may run away from pain and towards isolation while the other needs comforting. It’s important to be there for someone who you know loves you and in the way they need you to be. Easier said than done. But if you can overcome great sorrow for the right reasons, you’ll be stronger together for it.

Yet, at some point you might have to accept that you are not right for each-other. This can be incredibly hard to do and in many cases not a shared opinion. You each have the responsibility to guard and nourish the other person’s heart. So to come to realize that you’re unhappy with this and that, you’re not up for the task or the other person isn’t doing “right” by your heart, isn’t always a cut and dry decision.

Love conquers all, right? Time will make things better? Truth is, you’ll get advice and it may or may not help. You know what you want out of your life and you know what makes you happy. Whether the other person was all smoke and mirrors or just grew apart from what you saw as a forever home for your heart may render you to be mature enough to walk away. Maybe it’s you?

Maybe you can see that you are hurting the other person or you soon will hurt the other person in the future you’d share together. You’ve made that fateful decision to end your relationship. The pain of loving someone and ending it or having someone you love end it is immeasurable at the time it happens. Sometimes it will linger on…

Maturity is accepting responsibility in all matters of your life. Being accountable for your actions. I am not an expert at love. I know it and I’ve learned from it. From the love of the children I have and the one growing inside of me right now. To the love of another heart I claimed responsibility for. It is a self-sacrificing, yet self healing, overwhelming emotion that hopefully blesses us all. But before you can find it in a relationship, you have to find it in yourself. If you don’t think you are worthy, work on yourself. Until you are happy with that one person you can never get away from.

You.

Depression. Self-hate. Anger. This is the most destructive plague on the human soul. It will destroy you and those who love you. Lead you down a path that isn’t easy to return from. Self-destruction starts with negative feelings about yourself that fester. A wound that isn’t treated will not heal. Take care of yourself. Be happy with who you are.

Then find happiness you can share with someone else. It’s time well spent.

About Jordis Brown

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