When Facebook first came out you needed a .edu email to join. It was a great place for college students to connect. The social media giant was eventually opened up to the mass public and was a great way for friends and family to stay connected. Today, Facebook seems to be rife by hate, ignorance and copyright infringement.
At one time I had some 4,100 Facebook “friends,” but decided to cut that list down to 82. My social media life has never been better.
Moving past the obvious racists, sex offenders and other scum of the internet, here are 10 people that seem to dominate Facebook and make it a miserable place.
1. Political partisans – These are the people who make everything political. That’s fine on your personal timeline, but it isn’t urgent that the rest of Facebook know how they feel. House fire? Obama’s fault. Lost dog? Trump’s fault. These are the people who can’t turn off the election, in fact, they are always in the election cycle.
2. The constantly offended people – Some people wake up looking to be offended. Looking in their direction in a cafe offends them. Using the wrong pronoun can be dangerous. They even get offended for other people. If they ruled Facebook, nothing would be posted as not to offend anyone.
3. The internet panhandlers – It’s bad enough seeing panhandlers on every corner of a city, but now they dominate every corner of Facebook. No bad luck goes to waste for these people and they are almost always asking you to bail them out from their bad choices. All while the websites that host the panhandling make millions of dollars.
4. The internet scammers – Facebook groups dedicated to cities and towns will provide you with some of the best discussion threads on the internet. The groups are also full scammers armed with bullshit stories and a laptop used to raise funds. One just has to follow Turtleboy Sports to see how crazy things have become.
5. Grammar Nazis – What would Facebook be like without the folks that do nothing but scour the internet for grammar and spelling mistakes? Probably a great place. No matter how important the story is, they will make it about the typos. A story about getting fuel aid to the poor? They will make sure the conversation turns to knowing how to use ‘an’ and ‘a’ properly. Often, they make mistakes of their own while arrogantly correcting yours.
6. Virtue signalers – the internet is full of people who point out all the world’s problems through social media, but never physically do anything to fix them. They solve homelessness with a hashtags and pick internet fights with anyone that disagrees with their cause. Don’t want 6’4 men in your daughter’s locker room? They’ll let you know how you are killing babies and raping women with your view.
8. The smug – these guys or gals think they the smartest person in the room and always let you know it. Some people are open to learning – not these people. They are only on Facebook to spread their wisdom. Spent 5 years in Korea and sharing your experiences? Wrong. They read the Wikipedia page on South Korea and let you know it.
9. Those that use memes to argue their point – having no ability to come up with original thought leads these people to have thousands of memes in their photo galleries. When they are not overpowering you with memes, they are killing you with the crying laughing emoji’s.
10. Those who can’t string together sentences. These people decided in kindergarten to stop listening in all future English classes – a 20 word vocabulary would be enough to get through life. The only good news is they drive the grammar Nazis crazy.
11. Those who steal all their content. Share a video with a Beyonce song in it and Facebook will hammer you, but steal every viral video and make them your own and Facebook will reward you. The biggest asshole on the internet is SloFo who has been stealing videos for years to get a following of 11 millions fans. Go out there, work hard making a video and if it goes viral he’ll steal it and drain your YouTube revenue.